Sylvi
Hit me up on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/tharen.neal
It’s doing my head in. I still want you back so much, I don’t care that things went bad. I just want you back in my arms.
I’m tired. Tired of feeling. The world I used to know has changed. My life has changed. I seem to be a blight on everyone around me. I’ve thought about it you know. How I would end it. I’d take all the painkillers in the cupboard, cut right down my arm, get back into my bed and dream; dream that everything was okay. That would be it. I would die under the illusion that I meant something, that I wasn’t nothing, dream that none of this was my fault. I would pretend that I was no longer the villain of my own story.
I can’t help but feel that I am no longer good enough. That I have done something so terrible that everyone is above me. I just can’t remember what. Was it my fault, was it all because of me that this happened, am I to blame for why things didn’t work out? I just feel like it is. My heart screams that it is.
I am at a loss for words. You do realise what you’re doing? What you just did? The one fucking person I thought I could trust. The one person that I thought “Hey. Maybe you’re different. Maybe I can take off my mask and show you my shame. Get all of this weight off my chest”. It wasn’t that you said it. It was in complete innocence, I’m sure. It was how you said it. You’re tainted now. I can no longer trust you with my pain. I just don’t know who I can trust anymore.
I’m not mad, no. I just. You don’t understand. I guess it was just bad timing on your behalf.
I just don’t want to go on anymore.
Anonymous asked: Why do you feel the way you do?
I feel the way that I do because nothing makes me feel any different.
I.. I just want to die. The pain has become tortuous. The emotional crashes are becoming more frequent, I’m nearly at the maximum dosage that can be prescribed and I just can’t shake the guilt, the terrible, terrible guilt. No matter what questions I ask or what answer I receive. I can get no closure, no peace of mind. I’m no longer sure who I am, nor can I tell if I was ever a good person. Would a good person ever deserve this? If I am not the good guy defending the helpless against evil, does that not make me the villain and does the villain not always fall?
by YijiangLiu
